smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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