It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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