Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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