is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
