Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
