Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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