aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
