I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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