my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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