I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
