Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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