You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
