I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
