Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
