i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
