I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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