I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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