And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
