All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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