He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
