Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
