Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have aggressive nipples.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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