If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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