the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize