so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
