I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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