You can't motorboat a personality
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
