Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
