never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
