my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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