She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
