4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
