I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
