question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
