I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
