Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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