I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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