Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
