i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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