He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
