you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
