I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
