did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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