just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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