He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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