Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
