i think i have two assholes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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