i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
