I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
