In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
