he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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