Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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