Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
