my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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