i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
