She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
