I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
