you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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