the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
