I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
