Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
