Ambien. No doubt about it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
