I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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