I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
